I decided since I had to do this blog for English class, that I would start with something weighing heavy on my mind right now. Texas which has been home to me for 43 years, and living 800 miles away in a state I know little about, with even worse, little to do. 

So what is home really? If it a mindset, is it the earth under your feet? Is it where your family lives, where your ancestors are buried? Why do we long so much for a place that is just a pile of dirt and rock?  What is it about home that makes us ill for it when we cant be there. 

I think its familiarity, and a sense of belonging to something. In my case, belonging to Texas, which is a very prideful state. We have a completely different way of thinking. Even those at home, have an elated pride in our home state. I have not seen this anywhere else, and being an Army brat, and prior service, I have been all over the world. No place do people boast about their state as they do at home. Maybe that is what makes me miss it? No one here seems to have pride in where they live, that is evident from the pollution on the ground. Remember, we have the “Don’t Mess with Texas” campaign. Here in Nebraska, it seems like there is a campaign to see how much trash you can throw out.  So familiarity, and pride. Enough to keep our home beautiful as you would your own house. 

This brings me around to family. Family is rooted deep in hometowns across America. But is it family that makes us homesick? Maybe, but my parents are gone, children are grown, so what is it then? Here in Nebraska I have family too, misplaced Texans, stationed here with the USAF. So why am I still not comfortable here? I want to go home, but I am also torn because my youngest and most adorable, grandchildren are here. So what is home now. So therein lies my dilemma. Home, a state I have lived in most of my life, or home, where these babies are. 

I will be going back to Texas soon, then I will have a new loss. Loss of being away from children and family that I have lived with nearly a year. There is the confusion. I wonder what will happen after I am home, will I long to come back? Will that be homesickness, or missing family? Confused.